free time

well, some days there is just so much free time i don't know what to do. so i went to walmart, got audrey and zach each their own clear bucket, and filled each one with the same items (to avoid jealousy!!). they had so much fun with all the stuff, and they get to pick what they are going to do that day. i put stickers, coloring books, construction paper, safety scissors, paint and paint brushes, water color paints, a spiral notebook with their favorite disney character on it, glue sticks, and one of their favorites... a small dry erase board with a couple of pens. this is going to be fun!

arthur

today we went to barnes and noble for the pre-school story time. they read a couple of arthur stories, and the fun part was that arthur himself stood there. it was fun, and the kids really enjoyed it. he even signed autographs for all the kids. they didn't sit there for the whole time, maybe only a minute, but they were well behaved, which was good, because brian was at work!



this weeks verse is galatians 5:13,14, "for you were called to freedom, brethren, only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. for the whole law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, 'you shall love your neighbor as yourself.'"

marriage conference!

well, i don't do this very often, but i wanted to blog a little of what i've learned this weekend. brian and i had the chance to go to a marriage conference at gateway church by drs. gary and greg smalley (father and son). it was so awesome! and it really opened up my eyes to why i have been feeling the way i have. i wanted to blog about it because i heard that if you write notes on something, if you read them over or explain them to someone else soon after you took them, you remember them much better. anyways, it was fascinating stuff.


he started out with the lie of satan: if i could change my spouse, financial situation, surroundings, children, etc, i would be a happier person.

then he stated the truth: you are as happy as the beliefs that you have in your heart.

your beliefs are either true or false. just because you believe it, doesn't make it true. if you believe that rich people are happier, you will not be happy if you are poor, even though rich people are not happier! does that make sense? this also applies to marriage- if you believe that your husband doesn't love you, you will not be happy, even if he loves you intensely. these lies will come out in your relationships by your actions. the bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. what you believe determines your heart, and out of your heart flows words and actions.
i know that this seems like a simple concept. but when i think about all the times i get irritated with people, or my husband, or my children, and either i say a bad word, or i raise my voice, or i get upset, i am having now to think about what do i believe about that situation? YOUR BELIEFS DETERMINE WHAT YOU THINK, FEEL, AND DO. dr. smalley said that all irritation is in you. God does this so that you can see the logs in your own eye before you try to take out the speck in your brother's eye. if you get irritated, it is your problem! something in your heart is wrong! when i get upset with someone, the only thing that i can control in that situation is me and myself. i cannot change the other person, i cannot change the situation. my new goal is to respond, not react. and how am i going to do this? i have to change many beliefs that i have had since i was young. i have to replace the lies that i believe with what the word of God says. i have to memorize and meditate upon these verses, and the more you think it, the deeper it goes into your heart. the deeper it goes into your heart, it forms beliefs, and again, those beliefs control your words and actions.

ok, so then one of the other major lessons i learned about is what dr. greg smalley calls the fear dance. this dance is done by every one in every relationship, but is particularly damaging to the marriage relationship.
-it starts out when an emotional button is pushed. we all have them!! a few of mine would probably be: feeling unloved, feeling controlled, not being validated, etc.
-you then react; usually your reaction tends to be one of your mates emotional buttons.
-your mates buttons are then pushed, and then they react. which of course usually tends to be one of your buttons!
this cycle is then repeated over and over.
the four most destructive "reactions" are:
1. withdrawal (retreating, shutting down, stuffing)
2. escalation (increasing energy of conflict)
3. belittling of the other person
4. negative beliefs (whatever you believe about the other person, you will find evidence of that belief in everything he says or does)

what makes this dance so deadly? when we start dancing, we become adversaries. this makes us feel unsafe. when we feel unsafe in the relationship, our hearts will close and we will disconnect.

How to get out of the dance? what can i do?
1. take the plank out of your own eye. take personal responsibility for what you are saying/doing. (when your buttons get pushed, create space so that you can do something to get your heart open.)

2. identify your buttons. (give your heart a voice. ask why you are feeling this way? then validate those feelings, allow your feelings to matter. you can be curious about those feelings, where did they come from?)

3. then, take those feelings to the Lord. ( the goal is to get your heart open. ask the Lord what to do with your emotions. you need your heart and your brain to make "safe" decisions.)

4. manage your emotions. (think about what a healthy reaction would be while you breathe deeply, stretch, listen to music, etc. )

GOAL: deal with you first- get your heart open, so that you can respond (not react!) to the other person!

in a marriage, there is no win/ lose. you are on the same team!! if someone wins and someone loses, you both lose, because you are on the same team!

ok, i think this is enough for now. this was so incredibly difficult for me! it is so hard for me to write what i am trying to learn and do in a way that is understandable to others, so i hope this all made sense.

and i was thinking to see if any of you would like to start memorizing a few of the verses that dr. smalley suggested with me. we can begin renewing our minds together and replacing some of the negatives in our lives with the word of God, so that our hearts and minds will be that of the mind of christ!! ok, here are the ones that he suggested we start with...
romans 5:3-5, 8:28
james 1:1-5
1 thesalonians 5: 16-18
philippians 4:6-9
galatians 5:13-14
i guess i'll start at the top, with romans 5:3-5. " and not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
ok, now i'm done!! love you guys......

lunch with the kiddos

it is so fun now that kenzie wants to sit with the big kids. she insists upon sitting at the table with them! of course, as soon as i walked away from taking this picture to put the camera up, she fell off backwards and hit her head. but that usually doesn't happen!just a couple of other pictures of kenzie, in her dress from grandpa! she likes to stick her lower jaw out when she smiles, not showing her beautiful four top teeth.

happiness is...

Rules of this tag. Share five things in your life that make you happy! Go back and link your post on The Bargain Shopper Lady’s blog even if she was not the friend who tagged you! After you are finished, tag five more friends! Let’s see how many moms we can get to participate!

happiness is...

1. date night with my husband!

2. watching my kids dance to music!

3. reading a good book!

4. eating chocolate!!

5. having a clean house!

i am tagging sarah v., jilian, lana, kristin, and stacy

happy anniversary!

today is our 7th wedding anniversary! and while i can't say that it has all been wedded bliss, i can't imagine another man more suited to my needs than brian. and i can only hope that he feels the same way. this past year has been full of ups and downs. moving back to dallas, living with my mom for 5 weeks, buying a new house, selling our old one, having a baby, and brian changing jobs, all within 5 weeks, has been pretty hard. having my husband work from home has been much different than i thought! it has been so great in some ways- he's been flexible, so helpful, and has bonded with the kids- it has also been a great test to our relationship. i wish i was a better writer so i could convey the feelings flowing through my mind. but the bottom line is that i love my husband. he is everything that i am not. he stretches me. he supports me. he loves me. he takes care of me. he apologizes when he is wrong. he doesn't gloat when he is right.
and right now i miss him! he left today to speak at a youth camp in east texas. so we celebrated our anniversary early- on friday night. my mom was wonderful to come stay with the kids for the night. we went to sundance square in fort worth and had dinner at razzoos after we checked in to the hilton. it was so good since we haven't been there in years!

after dinner i had bought tickets to see an improv comedy group called 4 day weekend. we headed over to the show, and the first 15 minutes was so funny. but then the tide turned, and the subject matter got so perverted and offensive that we couldn't stay. talk about a potential night ruiner. we were so frustrated- last time we went to see the group, it was good (but that was about 8 years ago). when you anticipate something for so long, and then to have it not turn out is hard!

after that, we went to barnes and nobles, and read for a little while, then we were going to go to a late movie, but we couldn't agree on which one (i wanted to see get smart, he wanted to see indiana jones 4). so we ended up just going back to our room and going to bed. (unfortunately, my "monthly friend" decided to come that weekend:() anyways. the next day was better. we slept in, went and had breakfast at a pancake house in fort worth. then we drove around, and were going to go to the omni, but it is closed for remodeling, so we just ended up going to the paint horse gift show (country folk selling their boots, saddles, and other cowboy gear). then we went to the mall and walked around before heading home.

marriage is such an incredible thing. i've heard before that maybe it is for our holiness than our happiness, and although i am happy, i am finding it to be more and more true. i have had to be, and am still, learning about God through the trials of marriage. i tend to be a little dependent on my husband, and while he is pretty dependable, he is human! and i can't trust him with all the areas of my life. God is the only one who can do that. i am still struggling with this one- but as i have friends whose trials are harder than mine, i am struck with thankfulness. that He is faithful to still work with me, even though i am stubborn, a crybaby, and and downright disobedient too. even though most days i am kicking and screaming, i am slowly but surely learning how to navigate this thing called life. with God's help, of course.

SHE'S ONE!!

her wonderful entrance into the world at 12:13 pm on june 20, 2007!!





i can't believe my baby is one! friday was her birthday, and we had a "small" get together for her birthday. just my family and brian's family was a crowd, and we added a few church friends to make a huge party! we rented a bounce house (i thought it would be a great idea. it wasn't) it was sooo hot, and we had trouble getting the thing to inflate. these summer parties are going to have to either be inside somewhere, or involve water of some kind!! anyways, we all enjoyed hamburgers, hot dogs, and a cake from costco (yum!). everyone ended up having a good time, even though we were packed in like sardines!!

kenzie and her daddy

aunt stacy's new 'do

cousin logan

cousin aubren
trying to keep the house up!

presents! zach, mommy, kenzie, julian, madison, molly

what is this?

waiting patiently for cake...
look mommy!

something funny must have happened!

first taste of her cake.
she was so clean! must neater than her siblings.
what is on my hands?